steel doors slam down. just beneath the skin.
sliding through the body, stopping: entering.exiting.movement.and.thought.
turn into stone. out of flesh. and back into dreams.
below. the monsters stare up with various bloodshot eyes. gaping mouths. gasping for air. or a glass of water.
the solid. the liquid. the gas.
these are what we are made of.

stare out to the street. at the electric trees. the glaring moon. and a cityscape.
you came on a taxi sailing through the river of oil. now you are stuck. in one out of fifty three rooms on the twelfth floor of the granite building on two hundred and fourth street.
the trees buzz and flicker. people yell. alley cats yell. pigeons yell. it is all burnt coffee and the smell of old book pages.
'i want to stab my eyes out'
why, he replied. but she already turned away.
the trees blew a fuse and the street turned black.

skin fades away. leaving you with a mouth full of bone and a ribcage full of cartilage.
this is when you climbed up the outer walls. sitting in a rusty wheel chair. gazing at the glossy eyed children.
soaked in rubbing alcohol with lungs full of smoke. lit with teas lights and flags from various countries. minds fill up with the past. eyes fill up with the present. bottles fill up with the future.
i'm not. where i am. but where. we will be.
in egypt you can get any prescription drug over the counter.
i have already bought my ticket. the year of self medication. is among us.

the smell of still wet pavement. is all the comfort you get.
the road was rough. gaping holes into the earth. exposed piping. water. sewage. tunnels. everything that ran through it.
was visible. the smell of sulfur and other chemicals seeping up through the ground.
then it was scratched and ripped to shreds and gravel. the surface. or what was left. groped and dragged and destroyed.
and now it smells like still wet pavement.
everything that didn't make it out in time is forever cemented beneath the earth.
inside. enclosed. encased.
forever.
hesitation. will cause asphyxiation.

the feel of the twist. shredding muscle/tissue.
the feel of the tapping. taptaptap. on the keys. with the keys. and bloodsoaked fingertips.
the feel of the endlessness. wrapping tape around limbs. and walking around eternity in shoes that might not be yours and that make your feet numb.
it is the least you can do.
feel pain. feel nothing. feel everything. but all at once. and all together. it is the least you can do.
every shooting star is you. falling. to death. or. back to earth.
back to what killed you.
but.
she is too busy cooking dinner.

dress in all black. with fringe at your feet. and glass in your eyes. no.
not glass. but a scientifically enhanced soft plastic shield made to support evolutionary repressed people.
we are/i am/you were. evolutionary repressed.
and so; there was mint. and the freezing process. the sun. the sunshine. the porcelain that did not break and the mechanical drawing machine. red lips and head butting parked cars.
the people that are known best. minus maybe one. or two.
i am sorry about the thieves.

sky turns black. in the middle of the afternoon. ride in on a pale horse and a dark cloud.
on the wooden floor. life is spread out. all over. all in front of you.
pick the card. and execute. executions. expulsions and explosions.
and.
so it will be. now. and. forever.

three point five years ago. was a world of solitude. hidden in the basement of a hundred year old house. world stripped to almost nothing. when you learn to survive. off of. old novels. a jar full of magnolias. turpentine. the morning newspaper.
nothing was consumed. except ideas. words. and the occasional martini and cigarette. thought the martini was mostly used for smoking and the cigarette for melting flesh. there was minx coats and orange silk. painted black eyes and beaten black eyes. ignored telephone calls and torn up letters. visitors crept up the walls. using all six legs. transients peered through the glass and the toad came to call at 4am. sunrise was champagne and sunset was endless cups of black coffee.
this is when you learned the most. what insides looked like. how burns heal. how the skeleton looks through skin. how time passes when passing doesn't matter.
thenyouopenyoureyesunderwatertakethecakeoutofthebathtubandwalkoutthedoorbreakthesurfaceandgetonthebus.

when you reached the middle of the bridge. suspended. in the air. above the air. below the air.
it escapes. from inside the lungs. mind, esophagus, and pupils. part bone marrow, part memory. half past. partially present.
stumble out to the pavement. over the broken glass. through the burnt rubber fog and antifreeze mist.
you are the deranged. 100 miles up. laughing. and. crying. hysterically calm. in the middle of the wreckage.

but.

today i saw a rainbow.

at 12:53 am. cat meows. hot air balloon shadows creep up white walls. the other cat meows.
the empty feeling. after dreams of imaginary songs. you should leave. glass on the floor. scissors in the frying pan. horses in the trash cans.
this is the age of the disposable.

all i smell is old blood in the air.

paper covers rock. scissors cut paper. metal cuts bone. muscle. and flesh.
and there you have it. the soft sound of blood dropping on the pavement. and gravel crunching that slow spinal crunch. that it makes. when it has been dampened. with water. or blood.
'smoke one last cigarette. because you will need it' she laughs. 'at least it was only your left eye. hand. or lung'
bones snap. skin melt. hearts explode. the sky is vomiting water. all over. and forever. thank god we bought that arc in a panic three months ago. the end of the world is not the same. with out one last bon voyage. and a wave good bye.
it is 10:50 am. and the sky is pitch black here.

the sky shoots fire. in the gray and green world. whileinsidetheorangewalls. everything is stale and/or cold.
so there is. hanging in the sky. the long sound of flying whale songs and drawn out sirens of warning. floating through yellow/gray clouds and looking down on the kaleidoscope earth. and then they set it on fire.
there is electricity. in its most natural form. you see. standing three stories up. consuming:
black coffee. the sound of the sky. and sight of angry clouds. as seen heard and spilt through the wall to wall glass.
watch the earth scream and the sky scratch at it.
anything. can be delivered in 3-5 business days.
even. the. end. of. the. world.

listen to every song you ever loved to.
like it was said before.
he feels like a child. while. she has yet to grow arms.

days are long. when you only sleep three hours. and wake up to ghosts standing at your head. on your head. in.your.head.
days are tough. when words cut through your heart. and veins. and arteries. and memories don't go away. because you are ruthless. seven hundred miles. you said.
then two hours behind. in the past. is the future. you replied.
we are not alone. you are. not alone. i.am.not.alone.
there will always be the ghosts.

and then. there are things that fly.

all that is left. is what was. left behind.
one roller skate. two point five brown paper bags of clothespins. negative one switchblade. thirty eight books minus the one that meant the most. two empty suitcases. fifty percent empty space. to start. something else.
open your mouth to scream. or sigh. but only sharp silence comes out. because it has been a year since you had those vocal cords removed. for secrecy. or. to. keep. secrets.
'i will be back in three days' was the reply. to the silent voices.
and you are left. with the ghost. and one roller skate.

crack open shells. crush the mantle. snap the jaws. scratch out what's in. this was a mussel.
keep feathers in your eyes and dead flowers. in your pockets. this was a nest.
this was the nature of things.
'it's been a while'... 'yes, a long time'.
but you were in the cargo holders of that airplane headed to the savannah. and i was. in a room. surrounded by bricks. and cement. and a million strangers.
they wrote. letters on walls. letters in suitcases.
wallpaper and brush fires lost them both.

so. well. in twenty five years. maybe.

meanwhile you freeze your image in photographs. taken. to remember. and to forget.