unfocused once more

there has been snow and ice, and red wine on midnight roofs. i can no longer do one thing at a time. i have to be occupied with at least two things at a time so as to not get restless. read and watch videos. work and write letters and draw pictures. wash the dishes and daydream and pour wine and pet the cats and play electronic chess. my minds is crying out for something at all times.
my keyboard is at a huge delay right now, so when i type everything down i can look up and see it type out on the screen slowly.
late last night i attempted to bake cookies, being inspired by the season. i learned that i will never be a baker and i would never make a good housewife and i will never make christmas cookies again.
i had a dream that i lived in my car. but the inside of my car was like a little house. with pots and pans and my telephone and shoes and furs and birdcages with little yellow birds and my globe and books. me and my little house-car just spent the days driving through mountains and over and under bridges. the entire dream was done in yellows and greens and bright. just like a warm morning in the spring.
this little blog has no structure or interest or anything. i keep typing words into different words that i was not even thinking about. proof that i am in fact loosing my mind. again.

it snowed today.
i have not seen snow in four years. i felt like a little kid and woke david up to watch it fall to the ground with me.
the feeling is undeniably winter. i need white earmuffs and black coffee. i want walks in the park and snow angels
i want to cover the apartment in flowers and trees and branches. and maybe pine cones.
while walking up 5th ave i saw christmas trees on every corner. tempted to buy one, but riding the subway home would then prove to be difficult. and it where would it fit in the apartment.
i spent too much money on books today.
psycho killer the cat is dreaming.
and i need to paint something tonight.