there is the air. turns eyes. red. tired. off.
she spent the time drawing houses on the wall. turned fall. out. shelters.
then the atomic mushroom cloud. to match the one on the skin.
it is 4:22 am. stare at the ceiling. from the floor.
it is 5:40 am. t minus 2o minutes, she replied. 1 hour to sleep.
.25 to drink one last cup of coffee. then draw back the shades and watch the smoke rise. and. shape. and skin melts. and hair burns. the world turns white.

the door opens. was it a long wait.
thank fuck for coffee.

eyes melted. sockets empty. but somehow you are still alive.
or the heart doesn't move, but the circulation still circles. the muscles atrophied. but you still twitch about.
this. is. besides the point. the eyes are empty. look at blank walls and see everything. look through a pair of WWII M16 binocular separators. see nothing.
you are nothing but a mind attached to a galaxy of nerve endings.
we used. to hold. each others. hand.
now.we.only.hold. telencephalon.

it is the least of your worries. the least. it. is/was/will be.
hold 243 ml of it in your mouth. wait. ing. to spit it out.
but by now the wait is so long that it feels a part of you and you can't. can't part. with part of you.
the letters come. the invitations go. the dark eyes. dark fur. dark finger nails. that scratch and look and blink and bleed at each other in a whirlwind of what was. once was. will be again. or never was. through the glow of the screen you can see. everett evelyn. tinted in a pixelated, buzzing, humming, flickering atmosphere. sitting on that wall.
that was.
built by.
you.

the past hour. for work. i have writen. art. bleed. art. bleed. art. bleed. in front of the orange walls.
bleed. art. is it that easy. was it that easy. are you this easy.
there is gravel in the veins. gravel in bones. gravel and brain membrane. coursing. scratching. rumbling through everything.
lit by a low buzz/hum and to the soundtrack of a high pitched squeal squeak ring.
this is/was/will be my impression of you.

bite your tongue. while you bite my tongue. and she bites. his.
close up the esophagus. seal over the eyes. block the tympanum. don’t let any thing. any thought. glare. gl.an.ce. d.r.e.a.m. out.
do. do not. scare things away. with how you are. how you were. how. you could be.
turquoise glasses are stole. media is ripped off walls. memories are taken. and. their impressionalized ink is smudged and moved and skews what once was real. now. not now. not never.
so you say. and i do too. i. am. as. well.
a formulated ending to an affectionate letter.

so there it was. there it is. and there you are. or where are you?
eve. ry. da. y it. 's. gett. ing. be. tt. e. r.
fall asleep to a voice that isn't yours. or human. or it is human. but not in the normal sense of the word. or it is just you. in your second form.
do we only get one hour. and why is time flying. and the passage of time stretches out. into much farther. longer. lengthier. than it ever was. but maybe will be. time plays tricks. or souls play tricks. or we play tricks on the soul of time.
and then there is the hinge horse. mouth swings open. or just falls back. exposing throat. esophagus. molars. jugular veins.
tears pool to the back of the eye socket. nostrils gasp for air. all membrane dries up. everything burns. andallyoucandoishum'lovelovewilltearusapart.again'. the only song you know.
without neck muscles, how do you get your head back on. again.

the sky cries.
the cat is lonely.
fuck.
butthenyoujusthavetomoveforwardnotlookbackrememberthefutureandthingswillbeok.
there is a reason for everything. or is there... maybe. probably. does it even matter.

in the middle of all. of it. an end. or. a beginning. is equal distance. from one another. and transition. is above. and transcendence. is below.
sleep on floors. under floors. over floors. with black coffee and strangers who won't give you. the. last. cigarette. and strangeness who tells you that you don't even want it.
sleeping in between the pit bull and the chihuahua. apologize to the baby birds. and smile with them. and hear little chirps. little snake chirps. scorpion songs. and crocodile lullabies.
i don't know what i am doing. do you know what you are doing. know one knows what they are doing.
27 days 11 hours 59 minutes and 17 seconds.

the world might end. a world might end. your world might end. our. world. ends. protons neutralize. you. sit there drinking 500 ml of coffee out of that measuring cup. i look up from the 7th page of the paper while all ions vaporize. "we did the best we could". and then. milionsofatomsjoindtogetherandwearetogetherandyouarestillstogetherandtheniamtogetherwithyouaswell.
but then there is the matter of blood. on the floor. on the walls. on your shirt. turn right side up. there is still blood. but. it. still. runs. through. the. veins. where it belongs.
into the heart. through the atrium. the ventricle. through tricuspid valves. right to where it belongs. and then it leaves. again....
also i believe you. and also i am too.
having a sense of satisfaction.

and it's kind of like this.
hands grabbing the inside of you lungs. gathering up in the ribcage. plus the tail end of the esophagus and some shoulder bone.
and. latch on until. all muscles feel like water. hair attached to skull feels heavy. numb rising in the head. stretching and sinking in the stomach. the break. is not a quick shatter.
a small crack. grows. stretches. pulls. more. and more. m.or.e. everyday.
you close your eyes. wait for it to pass. clench your teeth. bite your tongue. let blood pool in your mouth. in your mind. in. your. heart.