“Realization. You can want things to change, want to find what’s missing. But unless you make them happen…well they simply won’t. I am going to start painting more. I’m going to start enjoying the small things, taking pictures more often, exploring the tiniest streets of the city. Maybe then I won’t want to run so often. Maybe then…”
Black coffee and yogurt with honey and granola. First it rained, then it shined. Received an email from the past. Bubble wrap and more coffee. Sound equipment and conference calls. Wrote a letter on an envelope and addressed it with pictures. Came home to find david already home from work. How wonderful!
I want to start that change.
February 28, 2008
“Don’t fret the small stuff. That is what they say, but what do you do when the small things are the only things you care about. Attention to detail. I am starting to feel wonderful again. Inspiration is coming back. When it builds up a little more, it can sill over and beautiful thins can be made by my hands again. Winter is thawing.”
Wake up to little cat scratches. Black coffee and homemade banana bread on a little white plate with david. Read the news together and look at some videos. Wish the apartment was a little bit nicer. Bigger for the cats to run about and more windows so I can have morning coffee in the morning sun. one day maybe. Work and spec sheets spec sheets spec sheets. At work I keep spoons and felt in my filing cabinet. Decide that the worst thing about being sick is the way it makes your eyes feel. Bought organic juices and green apples for lunch. Looked at photographs of very old maps and star charts and got a little flutter of excitement in my stomach. Nothing makes me happier that an old map or globe. Drank some of my organic cranberry nectar and was surprised that I now find ‘normal’ tasting cranberry juice too sweet after forcing myself to drink 100% no sugar added organic cranberry juice. But then again I am a girl who prefers my coffee black and my chocolate bitter. Thank you to envelopes, tea, pencils, general cheer, and a few very nice crafty blogs. Blueberry juice in blue ceramic glasses and our favorite video.
I want to get going!
February 29, 2008
“Confusion. An abundance of confusion rolling and rumbling around in the ocean of my mind. There is so much I could do, no do. There are routes to take, and then there are different routes. North or south. East or west. Things I want to take with me may have to be left behind. Depending on where I go.
I wish he could just enjoy the small things with me.
Is leaving the house such a crime.”
More banana bread and black coffee and a glass of blueberry juice. Then audio files and cats and dogs and birds. Whistling and lullaby’s. Discovered the antique globe section of ebay. Heart melted and wished we could receive packages. I hate intercoms that do not work. Felt a huge panic in my gut. I need to paint. Something. Anything. NOW!
Put more plastic silverware in the file cabinets. Drink too much coffee. What did I do at work today besides drink coffee and draw pictures of vans…
Chamagne and blueberry juice.
I want to take more walks.
March 1-2, 2008
“things might be ok”
a nice day. Mango and black coffee for breakfast. Then a train ride with david. And lunch in a little diner by union square. Iced coffee and a falafel. David had a hamburger and a vanilla milkshake. How America 1950’s! then strands books. So many books I want to buy. Farmers market and organic jams! Lusted over flowers. David bought me an apple cider. Then we went to see the little pets up for adoption. Bunnies, and kittens, and guinie pigs. Oh my! Then relaxing with books and tea and red wine and banana bread. Sunday morning was coffee on the train. Lee’s art shop to buy ink. Teal and Tangerine! And feathers and a little fake bird. Went through my old jars of little objects. Dusted everywhere and waited for david to come home. Lots of organic yogurt.
I want a guinie pig!
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