http://sarahgoodreau.tumblr.com/

something new, that may evolve into the main course.

a mixture of the two.

april 12, 2008

"keep moving. running. jump the tracks. climb the wall."

my body is rejecting my skin. it is now a foreign object and is being attacked. saw spring awakening with david. a good good play. musical. musical play. some interesting choices. and german schoolboy outfits! midnight veggie burgers and laughing. and heels. and destroying heels. adventures with neesa. dancing in brooklyn and making friends with people just to wear their glasses. comic book loser talk. rain. rain. rain and free umbrellas. standing outside, under the porch with multiple strangers watching the rain. the funniest bar where five dollars buys you a pbr and whiskey. strange people start conversations with me. and i laugh and play along. lost for hours on the train. out of the train. back on the train. run across the tracks. up the side. and a long taxi ride home. maybe a prank phone call. in the am, after 4 hours of sleep and with burning eyes. indian food with david. slow slow paces. some sort of fair. iced coffee. lemonade. socks. and flowers.

i want new skin.


wine in the red room.


neesas hat.


a strangers glasses.


with david underground.


this afternoon.

"start being more active. like the little bumblebees of spring."

spontaneous purchases. because i realized i have a salary job. a new camera that fits in my pocket. with a battery that works and in the color scheme of plum. then upon the realization that we live in new york city and i should do more things: 2 tickets to see 'spring awakening' this thursday. for me and david. in the balcony. how grand. next weekend the brooklyn museum to put the plum camera to its proper use. a reunion with darling neesa. out in the streets past dark for the first time in a month. thanks to multiples illnesses. dancing, and booths, and strangeness, and strangers. moved some furniture. bought some fruit. this is what i do, i suppose.

i want to walk around more. and see more of the people i love.

April 2, 2008

i don't really feel like my mind has reconnected to my body.

writing every day proved to be lame. maybe that will change now that i am no longer ill and bedridden and able to frolic about the pavemented streets. but only after work. deep sigh. a desire to start painting again and a need for more literature. i say this often and never act on it. this irritates me. i am going to buy myself a new camera this weekend, so i can take better pictures and document more inspirations. stare at the golden roots growing on the base my skull. think about returning to the natural gold hair. dreaming about the hot air balloon under my skin. red lips, bare eyes, orange walls, too many patterns.

i want a hand full of babies breath.

March 30, 2008.

"you were never dying.
but i'm going to live!"

deep and heavy sigh. body is almost returned to normal body status. caught a viral infection from small in office procedure i had done on monday. only me. after 5 days of antibiotics and a high fever causing-cold chills-hot flashes-ear ringing-head pounding-vein rising-bone aching-muscle aching-nose bleeding-sleep talking-skin rising to temperatures skin should not be-nausea ensuing-wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat-shake uncontrollably-all in all body crumbling illness; i feel well again. health never tasted so good. i have oh so many easter chocolates and wines that i could not partake in waiting for me. and videos to watch with david. and a happy little cat. and a fancy new 'been sick for a week hairdo'.

i want a new camera.

March 7, 2008

“it has become impossible to completely separate my thoughts and my actions. I am losing my mind”

I dreamt my kidney rotted out of my body.

I wrote you the longest and most desperate of letters at 2 am. This morning the roads were busy. But not the roads I drove on. I saw a room on the top of a small building that I would like to live in.

I want to know what comes next.



March 12, 2008

‘I took a small vacation from thought. Meditation. Revelation. Vacant-ness. some time to stumble about the globe in a thoughtless stupor.’

Generally I feel better.

Some things did not escape me in my struggle to forget. Here are a few: a morning movie. a little new york diner and homemade pickles. Catching up with a friend. Laying in the sun with david. He little cats running up and down 156th st. the pretty brick apartment buildings winding up the curved streets. Videos and grapefruit juice. Love letters drawn not written. Laughing ourselves to sleep. the small boy at the end of the stairway, bundled up in winter coats and mittens, jumping up and down and up and down. Cream of wheat and pink lady apples with black coffee.

I want to move past this.



March 13, 2008

“Stop thinking everything you touch turns to dust. And you, you stop thinking that you are never happy. Both of these things are lies.”

Black coffee and the shitty little things I tried to bake. At least the jam is good. And honey never goes out of style. Cats meow and I meow back. Listen to the songs of the morning and stumble down the stairs. There are too many windows, just waiting to be jumped out of. Needles and thread and scissors at the desk. The little desk in the orange corner of the orange room three stories above the world.
The days of the week are completely lost. My mind stopped recording correctly.
If you rub cinnamon into your skin, it burns like a poison. This is compulsion.
Scratching through the skin to get to bone. This is obsession.
And dreams leave little to the imagination.

I want a good cup of coffee.



March 14, 2008

“Exhaustion . Fatigue. To weaken by repeated variations of stress.
These things can hit you like a ton of bricks. Then it is stumbling. Falling.
Sinking. Finally into sleep.”

I keep thinking about the end of ‘no country for old men’. I do enjoy talking about dreams. And listening while others recall them. I am beginning to realize my obsession for organic juice. And my fear of sugar. The number one reason I am a terrible baker, I tend to leave more than half if not all of the sugar out. And the number one reason I drink organic juice, no sugar. Added at least. Rockfish and sea water sushi for dinner. Strawberry icecream in coffee mugs at 11 pm. A telephone call from my favorite savannah residents.

I want to go back in time for a day. Back to the south.

March 3, 2008

“things might not be ok.
shock, sadness, embarrassment, fear, pain, numbness, panic.
nothing else stuck.“

I am infectious.
Made dinner with david. Strawberries and yogurt.

I want to go back in time.

March 4, 2008

“numb thoughts, unfocused movements, nightmares”

all I can think of is people with giant holes in their abdomen.

I want to lay in bed forever.


Fatty is dead. I buried her under a rock.


These cats are falling. Where will they splat??


Mr Grumbles skipped town, but left his leg behind.


These were my legs. When they were still pretty.


All that is left is your shadow on the wall.